Half a decade

Y’all knew this post was coming. There’s one nearly every year.

It’s been 5 years. Half a decade since mom died. Things are better this year than in years past. I actually feel safe leaving the house this year, which is good since I have classes. Years past I have not felt safe, have not wanted to leave the house, have wanted to just stay in bed or playing video games all day. This year I am going to my abnormal psych class, recording a video for my ASL class, and then going to Tai Chi. Home at 7 to do…I don’t know. Normally we’d watch V for Vendetta but I don’t want to watch it while The Boy is awake. Probably watch a couple TV shows and go to bed, maybe early. As usual I am staying away from my social media and my email – things that are hard for me to do, but places where I am not safe from other people’s grief. I’m certain that I’ll have an email or message from my uncle at the very least. Yes, he is entitled to his grief. No, I am still not amenable to having his grief shoved at me. I’m rather insular in my grief (says the girl blogging about it, I know, I know). I talk to Aaron and…yeah, that’s about it. And this year I won’t even do that because I’m afraid it will bring up his own grief at his father’s passing earlier this year. The last thing I want to do is trigger him!

Dad is planning on “breaking up” with M tomorrow. They got news today about upcoming surgeries and he simply can’t handle it. After living through mom’s last 5 years from her initial cancer diagnosis and having ever-increasing responsibility placed on him, he cannot handle being with someone who is not healthy and active. I don’t think he realized what tomorrow is, date-wise. He told me to prepare for a call/text from M and I told him that I am not answering calls or texts, checking my email or my social media. Since this is the only time of year I do that, I imagine he remembers (if he indeed forgot, which I’m not sure how he could do except that I know how dates fly by my brain) so I don’t know now if he’ll wait. I don’t much care. They’ve been on the skids for months now and I’ll be happy to have it done.

*sigh* I don’t know how to end this post. I could ramble but I have to finish dinner and brush my hair and get The Boy ready for bed and…yeah. Thank you for reading!

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Half a decade

  1. Cathy says:

    I’m sorry it’s a hard day for you. Holing up sounds like a good plan to me.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s